Comfort

Because of the death of my cousin last week, I got to thinking about grief. We all face it sooner or later. It can just knock our socks off or it can lay there brewing. It affects how we act and relate to others. Sometimes, it simply just stops us cold and we become pretty immobilized for a time. Our employees deal with those things, too.

Some supervisors are so concerned with doing the job or are afraid of all the ramifications of becoming too personal, they fail to acknowledge when an employee is dealing with problems. They may realize there is something wrong but never go farther.

II Corinthians 7:6-7 "Nevertheless God, that comforeth those that are cast down, comforted us by the coming of Titus; And not by his coming only, but by the consolation wherewith he was comforted in you, when he told us your earnest desire, your mourning, your fervent mind toward me; so that I rejoiced the more."

We are directed to comfort those in need. It doesn't necessarily have to be by hugging or actually weeping with them. It can be a simple acknowledgement of their grief or their loss. It should be done in private and with your own personal care for them as fellow humans. To simply acknowledge and express your care and concern, you are showing your employee you care about them in a bigger way. You care about them personally and not just a body to do the job.

I caution you not to theorize or tell your own story or offer solutions. It's not really your job to step over that line. If you have never experienced that kind of deep grief (loosing a loved one, a child in serious trouble, major health issues, etc.) you may find it difficult to express yourself. It isn't the million words that are spoken, it is the sincere care and acknowledgement of their grief.

Some simple words: "I'm sorry about your ________." "I know you're going through a difficult time right now, I just wanted you to know there are those of us who care." If it's something messy or they are probably embarrassed, don't mention the issue. If in doubt, don't be specific about their problem. Just be sincere. I would also caution you to refrain from preaching or quoting the Bible. If they ask you for such, offer them referral options.

Showing an employee you care, done for comfort and not for show, can build a better relationship between you. You may find the employee will want to tell you all about the circumstance. Letting them vent can be good for them. If they are angry, volatile, come to you repeatedly, or in deep depression, you may want to suggest they talk with a professional who is better qualified to help them through the situation. I caution you to never take on the role of counselor or therapist (unless you actually are) . Listening, with sincere sympathy is enough.

Notice I mention the word "sincere" several times. If you just can't face someone and be sincere, send a note to their home with a few words. Do not e-mail condolences - it is an affront to all your are trying to achieve. As with many of the supervisory duties, this one has it's line to not cross. But done well, being a caring supervisor in times of employee distress is a blessing much like Titus - sent from God to comfort.