Return to Sender

My last post was 2006 and here it is 2010 and I'm posting again. I had stopped to write in other areas and I've been doing that regularly. But, I find I do miss this outlet.

I had returned to my "Leadership for the Christian Supervisor" series because I am starting a mentoring group at the Freedom House facility in November. I will be mentoring the current residents and others who are interested on how to prepare and apply for a job.



Freedom House is a shelter for victims (women and children) of domestic and sexual abuse. It provides for emergency shelter and protection and longer term counseling and support. This job mentoring is but one small portion of the many things offered by the agency.



Although this mentoring will not be Christian based, I have always maintained good on-the-job values can be related directly to Christian based principles. And, this is the reason I returned to my earlier writings.

Our first meeting will allow the women a chance to relax around me and allow me a chance to more fully understand their needs. They will run the full gamut of employment potential regarding education, abilities and experience.



Along with the above issues, these ladies will have specific emotional, logistical, and family issues. Obtaining a job is one of the very important steps of becoming capable of independence from their abusive relationship.



I was asked to help with this exercise because of the years of supervision "under my belt" and my familiarity with Freedom House through my position on their Board of Directors. As with all mentoring opportunities, I'm sure I will gain as much as I hope to provide for these ladies.



I'm hopeful through this experience, I will again be able to return to this "Leadership for the Christian Supervisor" writing and expand it's content.

Wailing at the Wall

I had a brief break in my BLOG stories as I considered whether to keep this effort going. I really do feel “called” to write. The stories are generally gifts to me and I have debated if this is the medium I should be using. I have some consistent followers and I’m hopeful they are enriched somehow in their work and/or personal lives. I have almost daily hits that are from all over the world and I find them interesting and at times, amusing. I’m sure there are a few who find my topic on the BLOG search and then get into it and wonder, “What?”. I have the ability to see where they came from and often (curiosity) find I get there and wonder, “What?”. We sometimes don’t seem to be a good cross match but then again who am I to say the moment someone doesn’t need a little (or big) hit of Leadership for The Christian Supervisor.

I do some articles for newspapers and had seventeen published last year. I was pleased with the result as I had set my goal for one a month. I’ve been giving thought to assembling some of my BLOG stories and some of the more in-depth stories into book form. The BLOG has been good discipline for what it takes to work at a full body of creating. I have been dipping my toe in the waters of major publications and may jump in and try to swim.

Swimming in new waters takes nerve. Much like applying for a new job, writing (even in retirement) places you in the unfamiliar, under rather unforgiving scrutiny, and makes you reach into your faith. That’s the good and bad of career changes.

God gives each of us a very big career talent. Most don’t ever use it as God intends. We get locked into a career by our choices so early in life we made them clueless or we simply needed a job and ended up staying. Retirement has offered me a chance to use God’s gift to me of writing. I know that is true. The part I get bogged down on is using this talent as God intends. I can what if myself into virtual paralysis.

I firmly believe to sit on paralysis’s butt is a sinful waste of God’s gift. So, here’s the deal: I am going to follow this dream of submitting my work for book publication. It may require I pull back from the BLOG but I am still available to those that may have questions regarding leadership, supervision or faith in the workplace. I will continue to welcome your requests for private consulting with supervisors and companies and requests for articles and stories.

While I was wailing at the wall of indecision, I prayed for God’s guidance. While honoring God’s gift of writing, I’ll be seeing if the waters on the other side of BLOGville are the next trip into using this gift. Till next time . . .

You may contact me at: je_deg@earthlink.net

The Devil and Tom Walker

Have you read the tale, written by Washington Irving, about the selfish and immoral man, Tom Walker? It is still good reading today about greed and ramifications. One of the things I enjoy about the old classic literature, the story holds a moral. If you have been schooled on how to write short stories, you will find “the moral” a key ingredient. In this great story, the moral becomes so famous the book title is still quoted in times of aberrant behavior. I recently heard “The Devil and Tom Walker!” used in a current movie when the character saw something happen so unusual as to elicit this exclamation. The Washington Irving story is based in the early 1700's and the moral is still so relevant as to elicit a quote in the year 2006. A strong message!

When is the last time you read a current novel, watched a movie or television story that had a moral so commanding and relevant it will be remembered three hundred years from now? Some of the stories are so empty I seldom remember them thirty days from now.

The relevancies of the old classics were used in our schools as teaching tools. Students not only learned how to read, how to construct short stories, and how to write they learned how to behave. There are those that would ban books from our school libraries that teach these morals. They don’t want to ban all books that teach morals just those that might reflect on goodness in a positive way. It's the Salam witch burning in reverse.

We often think of book banning as something from another generation, perhaps another culture, or at least something less than democracy. There are currently books banned from school and community libraries in the United States. Who decides what books are allowed in these sanctuaries of higher learning? In most cases, it is the local librarian, the local library board or school board. Has it occurred to you that the people who decide what books your child will learn from are elected officials? Your library board is elected and they hire the librarian. Your school board is elected and they hire the superintendent, principal, and the librarian. In other words, the elected official decides what morals enter your children and grandchildren’s heads.

Check out your local and school library. What books have they banned. What books do they have on their shelves. Do they balance their offering of literary information to allow adults and students the opportunity to learn values that coincide with your values? Do they balance their offering to allow you, as the parent and grandparent, the opportunity to teach your children what you value and also offer books that allow you to teach what you don’t value?

Check out the next book sale your local library holds to get rid of extra or old books. If you see a copy of an old Washington Irving book in the sale, does the library replace this classic with a new copy or will tomorrow’s readers be deprived of its valuable lessons?

You are today’s citizens, who by your vote, determine the fate of tomorrow’s education. Tomorrow’s education determines the kind of democracy experienced by your children and grandchildren. Local elections must be as important to you as your vote for the presidential candidate. Indifference to the little things can have huge ramifications on the culture of the future. A culture you must protect.

Believe me, friends, there are those that are working very hard to develop a culture you will not want foisted on the next generation. Passively letting the little issues be decided by elected officials who do not have your best interests at heart is foolish.

There is a moral to this story. Let your vote be responsible and informed. The future in your community depends on you.

Who Do You Trust?

Are you a cynic or a push over? Living life with flawed humans can push you toward cynicism that’s for sure. A broken promise, a relationship marred by deceit, a no-show at an important time, maybe even a theft of ideas or property can make it difficult to trust others. It can be all the more hurtful if you have had your trust betrayed by a friend. Don’t most marriages start out as two friends joining together? Don’t you have to put faith in your business to give your best? Aren’t we supposed to believe the pastor at our church has our best interest at heart? Live long enough and you will experience betrayal by someone you trusted.

This can be especially true in the business world, even a Christian business. Some people fail us just because they are human and make mistakes. Others will fail purposely.

It’s difficult enough when someone deceives because of lack of integrity but we manage to get over it quicker than when it’s a trusted friend. The hurt stays with us much longer and goes much deeper. It could be the broken agreement you entered into because you trusted. It could be the person you nursed to health that is no where to be found during your difficulties. It can be the woman in the next cube that you have coached through the past year has gossiped about you. The guy you play ball with at noon once a week who talked negative behind your back to the boss. These are the betrayed trusts that hurt the most.

We can’t stop others from betraying our trust. You can learn and then you must forgive. Forgiving is a commandment that mirrors God’s forgiveness of our own sins. Luke 6:37 "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." Forgiving will also insure good mental health. Carrying hurt or anger will only eat away at our own well being. Allowing this to happen will bring the one betrayal into a double whammy of hurt.

You should learn from this whole process. You should learn the value of keeping your word to others at home, in business, in church, simply at all times. If you betray the trust of another unintentionally (and I will make the assumption you would not do this on purpose), you must apologize immediately and set it as right as you can.

Betraying trust in a marriage can do damage that some marriages never recover from. Betraying trust in the business world can ruin your reputation and damage your chances for advancement. Make it serious enough and it could cost you your employment and hamper getting a job in the future. As a person who supervised others, I wouldn’t give someone untrustworthy a good break. They would have to earn everything they accomplished because I was not willing to invest my time and reputation in someone with so little integrity. It is an integrity issue. Even if you betray the trust unintentionally, there was a reason. It is often you didn’t put the other person first, take time to consider the ramifications of your words or actions, or care enough. Who do you trust? Make sure the person who calls you friend can say, "It's you I trust and with good reason."

Angry at the World

With the exception of some disabilities and injuries, uncontrollable anger is the product of immaturity. It has become a choice to let our instinct rule our intelligence. An example: A snake gets angry and strikes out when threatened. It is instinctual. The snake’s brain is about the size of a pea and they do not have human beings’ ability to reason. When a person allows their instinct to rule their emotions, they are no longer using the ability to reason. They are pretty much on the same level as the snake. This is an ugly comparison but accurate.

Another example is an infant denied their instant gratification. They throw this very loud tantrum because they do not have the maturity to reason out the situation. Some people are caught in this low level of maturity for handling their anger. Anything that doesn’t go the way they immediately desire, they throw a very loud tantrum. No wonder it has become so commonplace and accepted, we are surrounded by the idolization of the angry attitude on a daily basis. Watch a television program, a movie, the news, the schools, at work and at home. Anger will be the response to most every situation and it would be the outward expression of what someone believes is justifiable anger. It would be foisting anger on any and everyone. Listen to the script on the next show you watch - anger plays at least a major portion to the story line. Listen to songs, and the solution to life’s troubles is an angry response. Read the police reports in your paper, and domestic abuse is commonplace and at all ages. If I don’t get my way, I’ll get mad and someone is going to pay!

We live in a small rural community where we think big time anger isn’t a part of our world. To bring that thought into perspective, I’ll relay a Wal-mart story. The parking lot was crowded with lots of families and children walking. I was driving rather slowly in an effort to find a parking place without running over anyone. I found one and was ready to pull into the place when I realize I had pulled up a few inches too far to make a really easy turn into the spot. I put on the brake, put the car in reverse, looked in the rear view mirror and found a very large pick up was actually bumping my rear bumper. In addition, they were obviously shouting something less than kind. OK, I’m in your way and I’ll make that tight turn and get parked so as to let them move on their angry way. I got out of the car and was walking toward the store when I passed by this truck (who got a much closer parking place). The woman (I won’t use the word “lady”) rolled her window down and started screaming at me about how dare I try to back up and take their parking place. Huh? She went on screaming and I was so amazed I just stood there looking at her. Finally, when she took a breath, I apologized with “I’m really sorry to have upset you.” Well, that was apparently wrong and she started up again on me to the point she was talking about what she would do to me if she ever saw me again. I walked on into the store with wonder and sadness. My point in retelling this story is this couple had totally lost control of their ability to choose a mature behavior designed for the situation.

There are times when we all get angry at another’s behavior. Choosing to act out on that anger then becomes immaturity. Having an anger problem and not seeking professional help is also a choice. The reasons for being angry may be valid but failing to deal with them are not.

When you watch someone come unglued, it is sad. You realize they have let their anger take over their self control. They are demonstrating to the world their immaturity and failure to use reason.

Speculating on what is going on in the life of the other human being can defuse our anger. We have the most opportunity to do this while in our vehicles. Is it lack of attention because they have just received news their family member is terminal? Are they driving slowly because they no longer have quick responses and they want to make sure they don’t hurt anyone? Are they talking on the cell phone, eating french fries and putting on lipstick because they are young and clueless to the dangers? We all have human events in our lives and they sometimes make us drive less than perfect. The same can be said for all human frailties. We all have them and we should all be forgiving of the ones the other person displays.

Whether you have a short fuse, a long held grudge, or turn your mind off in angry situations, you need to get to the bottom of your anger issues. Talk to your clergy, mental health clinic, or a doctor. Find reading material designed for anger management. It may be a case where you need some help walking through your long held anger or your long held responses to stressful situations. It may be you simply need to step back whenever you feel yourself becoming angry. You may need to realize how you are perceived when you are angry. Do you really want people to be afraid of you and if so, why? Do you really want people to think of you as out-of-control or developmentally immature? Do you really want to lose chances for promotions, close relationships, or invitations?

Need strength to overcome immature responses? Need forgiveness for what your anger has done in the past? In addition to the help you seek from professionals, seek God’s advice: Proverbs 14:17 “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.”

I Don't Want Your Help!

Someone dumped a little kitten in the country near our house. When you consider the dangers of coyotes, hawks, and other carnivores, dumping a kitten was a death sentence that was going to involve gruesome torture for this little baby.

Although we are trying to find an adoptive home for the kitten, we are currently protecting it from danger. To date, this little kitten has had a traumatic life. I’m sure I don’t know the half of it but several nights hiding in the corn field and ditches had to be a horror. She has one ear that has been chewed on a little and a voracious colony of fleas. When I finally was able to grab her, it was literally out of the mouth of two hunting dogs. No matter how much I hold her, feed and pet, she is afraid of everything. Her first impulse is to hide. She will purr when I wrap her in a blanket and pet her but the moment that wrap comes off, and she is running away. Even as the one who takes care of her, my steps or my hand frightens her to panic.

This whole scenario reminded me of employees who just won’t let you help them. As a supervisor you know they need help, you offer help, you implement help and they do everything possible to keep it from happening. I just don’t know the reasons why they can’t see their problems that are helping them self destruct on the job. The majority of employees who have this problem never change. They dig their heels in, stick their chin out, cross their arms and hell or high water doesn’t get them improving. How do you handle this situation in the work place?

First, you will have some employees who will embrace instruction and change. Those few are the ones that help you continue to hope.

For all employees, you must handle performance issues equally and with no discrimination. Having written performance goals for the department and each employee allows you to remain above the attitude of the stanch refusal to change.

You must have good reason to take an employee down the road to change. It can’t be that they are simply unpleasant. It can’t be that their personal life is not to your liking. It can’t be that the other employees find them irritating. It can’t be prejudicial.

You will need the following in writing:

1. Company goals, mission statements, and vision.

2. Performance goals & standards for your department.

3. Performance goals & standards for each employee’s position.

4. Company programs, rules & ramifications for safety, drug & alcohol uses, care & use of company equipment, customer service, overtime, uniforms or protective clothing, other standard of dress, use of communication equipment, certification & licensing, reimbursement policy, and the list would go on for different businesses.

5. A confidential file for each employee that would have a complete picture of that employee’s company performance.

If you have all the documentation from the company expectations, rules and ramifications, you will be able to rationally counsel and coach a problem employee or an employee with a problem. Should the employee be one that refuses to get with the program, you will then have all your information, the action taken, the employee’s response in order to proceed to ramifications. This allows the employee to make the decision on his/her own fate at your place of employment. They may never accept that they were responsible but you will be able to prove legally, morally and ethically you handled the situation in the best possible way. You did your job correctly.

And should you have one of those wonderful experiences where the employee actually changed and became all he or she could be for their own self and the company’s - celebrate. It is the stuff a good supervisor lives for - enriching an employee’s work life and enhancing the company’s resources. Good job.

Whose Dictionary Are You Using?

When you supervise, you may think you are using the same dictionary when discussing issues. You may agree on the issue and down the road find out the other side had a completely different concept or meaning of words.

I learned this from the union business agent after a rather frustrating negotiation meeting. The solution seemed so simple to me. When I confided in the B.A. I didn’t understand why doing what was "right" was such an issue, he dropped this gem on me, "We both want what’s right. It’s that we have a different definition of what is "right." It was a "ta da" moment.

It doesn’t always make the other side’s answer any easier to take but it does take some of the frustration out of the understanding.

Sometimes the definition is skewed as a method of deceiving and manipulation. Read North Korea’s statement about their nuclear test this morning, "The test marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the (Korean People’s Army) people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability." Adding, that it was "a great leap forward in building of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation." Consider this impoverished and isolated country has relied on foreign aid to feed its 23 million people since its state-run farming system collapsed in the 1990's following decades of mismanagement and the loss of Soviet subsidies. This fact and the July floods, South Korea and Seoul’s hold on aid and you have a nation whose citizens are in desperate shape. I would say there is a huge difference in the definition of "greatly encouraged and pleased people" in the press release and in reality.

As a supervisor, it is extremely important you understand the other person’s definition of the topic you are discussing. A smile, nod of agreement and a handshake does not make an agreement which is in agreement. A good portion of your job will be consumed by reaching agreement to budgets, performance standards and reviews, goals, contracts, and service. Making your words easily definable will be a start in an agreement that satisfies both parties long after the handshake.

We all make a joke of contractual "small print" which is purposely designed to deceive and confuse. Legal contracts, supposedly worded to leave nothing undefined, are often purposely worded as confusing and obtuse in an effort to disguise motives. When you are presented with a document or statement that is overly worded, confusing, or just don’t feel right - think again about what the other side is trying to accomplish. Proverbs 20:17 "Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterward his mouth shall be filled with gravel."

Some misunderstandings based on different definitions are not sinister or meant to confuse. They are simply two sides coming to the table with different sets of understandings. Failure to recognize the differences can change a friendly misunderstanding into an issue. In this case, it is better to question and define prior to the handshake so when the deal is struck, both parties remain happy with the results.

As Solomon was granted understanding, we might also seek the Lord’s guidance with Solomon’s prayer to God: I Kings 3:9 "Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?"

Whether meant to deceive or simply a cultural difference, it is up to you to pursue an understanding of the issues prior to the conclusion. You will need an understanding of the meaning of the words, the motive of the words, and the desired conclusion from both sides.