Pass The Salt

Yesterday, I talked about written correspondence. Today, I'll talk about table manners. OH, PLEASE, you say? I did not work with a bunch of ill bred Neanderthals, but I've seen about every example of bad table manners at both local and high level dinner and social meetings. As with other business manners, poor table manners can kill a career as surely as the words that come out your mouth. Here are some tips:

Every single time the wait staff asks you something, or you ask them for something, or they bring you something say, "Please or Thank you". They are working people, just like you, and they deserve your respect. If you show little respect for those who have jobs less than yours or in service to others, you are showing your ego and pride are out of proportion to your business skills. In an effort to show you are a big cheese, you are actually showing you have a little personality.

Here are some nevers and some always:

Never talk with food in your mouth. Nothing you have to say is so important that showing others half chewed food or spitting food is necessary.

Never put your elbows, arms, feet, hands on the table when you are eating. Allowing for American or European traditions, put the hand you are not using in your lap.

Always tip for service. If you have an issue with the service, talk with the manager in private. Do not make a scene at the table. Being cheap is not good business when tipping. 15% is average - 20% is traditional. If you can't afford to tip, don't go out.

If you are on an expense account or the company is hosting the event, never eat just the expensive things or eat and drink in excess. It is very low class to "stiff" the company when you are a company person.

Never drink alcoholic beverages in excess. If you feel you must have alcohol, a good rule is nurse/hold one drink the entire event. Any more than one drink and it becomes a social event and you will not be thinking about business. All business events are business. It is foolish to think you can "let loose" at a company function. You are being watched to see if you behave well under social conditions. Drinking a lot or too much is a killer for a career. It is all right to refuse alcoholic drinks and it needs no explanation. If you are pressed, just a simple "I don't care for any, thank you." or "I prefer soda or coffee, or water, thank you." If you feel extreme pressure and don't know what to do, personally go to the bartender and order a club soda, ginger ale, or water on ice. It will cause the drinkers to not focus on whether your drinking. Never make a big public deal about your drinking preferences. You are not there to convert others to join AA or pressure others into a drink, you simply need to take care of yourself.

Dinner utensils are arranged for use from the outside in towards the plate. If you are unsure what to use, wait for the boss or hosts to start. Use your salad fork on your salad and then put it on the plate when done. Use your dinner knife for things on your plate that need cutting. Use your steak knife for meat. Use your soup (larger) spoon for soup and when done lay it on the saucer under the bowl or leave in the bowl. Lay your utensils on your plate when you are done. Only use your small bread saucer and rounded butter knife for bread & butter. Do not take the last piece of anything.

Always watch your hosts for clues. If they order dessert, you can order. If they order steak, you can order. If they order appetizer, you can order. Never order more than they order. You can always eat more at home. Sounds silly but remember the primary purpose is not to feed you; it is business. If you go to a simple social hour, do not eat as if it is your last meal. A few snacks to be polite is enough. If your hosts happen to have poor manners, simply and quietly stick to your good manners. Others will appreciate it and you will know you are being respectful of others.

Never purpose a toast unless it is your assigned duty. It may be viewed as embarrassing or kissing up.

Never sit, stand, or eat before the guest of honor or the hosts. That includes each course of the meal.

Never feel the need to entertain others with stories and jokes. Unless you are the guest of honor, someone else is there to be heard. You should always remember you are there to listen and learn.

Small talk matters. Showing those near you respect by asking them interesting questions and then listening. They will end up feeling good about you and you may learn something interesting about someone new. It is a good way to make business contacts and get to know them in a more personal way. That will allow you to do business with them in a more relaxed way in the future. It also keeps you busy.

Do not corner the boss or other higher ranking employees or contacts. Never use the time to overtly push your agenda. If the boss wants to know more, the boss will ask more. The boss will always have an agenda for the event and your dominating their time can be irritating. It's a mistake to irate the boss.

Unless you have been given specific dress instructions, always assume you should dress in business apparel. Keep repeating to yourself: this is business not social. If in doubt, ask the boss's assistant.

Don't rely on other employees to tell you the straight of what to do at business gatherings. They may mislead you because they are clueless or because they enjoy seeing you make mistakes.

If your gathering is in conjunction with an over night trip; do not be the last to leave. Do not use it as a filler for your entire evening. Do not go to or bring anyone to a hotel/motel room. Do not go with the group to another club.

Shake hands when you meet someone. BUT, be sure to understand the customs of guests from different cultures. If you know someone will be there which requires different customs, study on what is proper before you go. Especially be sure to study the customs if you are visiting another country. It shows respect to have taken the time to become familiar with others customs for manners. We did not get the title "Ugly American" by chance. Don't be one. It reflects on your company as well as yourself. It is alright to use your customs and manners in other situations but respect others customs also.

Don't feel pressured to eat unfamiliar food. Learn to pick and move food rather than offend your hosts. If you are asked for dietary preferences and have them, tell them prior to the event. If you were not asked and it is a strong preference or strong allergy, then quietly find something that will work or fake it. You can always eat later. You will not starve to death on one evening or one lunch. At a business event, no one wants to hear about your current diet, your food allergy, your save the plant ethics, or other personal issues. It is not about you - it is business.

The point of good table manners is for no one to notice you have bad manners. It is to show respect for others at the table, your hosts, and those serving you. Having good table manners elevates you to a higher level of performance. It is a part of your integrity.