Married Working Women

OK, I know all women are working women! For the sake of today, I’ll be talking about women who work at jobs plus have the outside responsibility of a wife. It used to be described as "women who work outside the home" but with easy access to home computers that no longer applies. There is no one answer for you women carrying double, sometimes triple loads.

All reference in today’s message will be about women who work at jobs in addition to being a wife. I will make an assumption, if you are a woman reading a supervisory/leadership BLOG, you probably fit in this category. I’m not going to debate the pros and cons of working women. Since you work, you have already settled that issue for this period in your life. I’ll just give you some observations based on my years of working (some while single, some married, some married with children, some single with children, and some married after children left the nest.)

There is a definite line between how much husbands help their wives and that line is based on a man’s age, social upbringing, family traditions, religious and ethnic influence and the individual person. When I was working, most men of my generation did not help their working wives in any way. Some women still experience that thrill. I’ve noticed women of my children’s generation usually have a team approach to home and children duties. I was fortunate. I had the physical strength and the high metabolism to keep it all going.

A team approach between a woman and her husband should be a joint commitment from the very beginning. For a husband to expect a woman to bring home money from working and yet he does not contribute to the household duties is wrong. It is doubly wrong when you become parents.

A married couple needs to discuss the importance of each person’s financial contribution to the union. You must also discuss who must have a career to feel fulfilled. How do you feel about children and working? I know some men choose to stay home with the children but I personally never knew one in my place of business. Let’s just say that it isn’t typical. Does your husband have family or ethnic crosses to carry if you work? Does the man have ego issues if you earn more money, has a higher classified position or more schooling? Love does not overcome these issues. Only a loving discussion that reaches a mutually agreed solution can save years of after-the-fact anguish.

It will kill a woman trying to be everything to everyone at work and at home. Someone will get short changed. And, the woman’s physical and emotional health will suffer. If you are on a fast track to upper management, must work very long hours/days, or need additional schooling that takes all your evenings, I think it’s safe to say your marriage relationship will suffer.

As a working couple, you may be thinking of having children. You may feel your biological clock has about ticked for the last time. I always tremble when I hear a very successful upwardly mobile woman feel the exact time to have a child is when she is reaching for the top of her career. It’s something like thinking, "I love mountain climbing, I think I’ll climb Mt. Everest and at the same time I’ll balance a ten-ton block of cement on my head for kicks." Balancing a brick on your head when you are walking over low hills might be a better start.

If you’re worth your salt, as a working woman, you will support other women at work. When I was advancing my career, I rejoiced to see a few women moving into upper management. I rejoiced until I found they treated other woman worse than men. They didn’t help the woman coming up and actually did things to hurt other women’s careers. It was a sad example and eventually they were no longer around. Much like selfish ego driven men, their usefulness to the company expired.

I encourage all working women to support each other regardless of their race, religion, social or marital status. If you are more experienced, mentor the young new women at your work. If you are not working in a culture that promotes women friendships, start that culture today.

When you make the decision to have a career, that career becomes the most important thing after God. When you decide to marry, the priority list must change to be God, husband, and job. If you decide to have children, the priorities juggle again to God, husband, children and job. If you have those priorities in any other order, you will be responsible for relationships in your core family unit that cannot have the full benefit of your love and support. The business world often makes it almost impossible for a woman to keep that balance of priorities. Ideally, you will make those choices with thorough thought and prayer before you are into the situations.

A husband and wife can be very successful supporting each other during their careers. With a balance of love for each other and a dedication to God in your lives, you have already taken a step ahead of most married working women. If your best friend is your husband, what a refuge your home will be after work.

If your husband is not the support and friend you need either at home or for your career, you will need to pray long and hard about the next step in your life. Defining his actions: Is he jealous of your career? Does he feel you are not obeying God’s commandments for a wife? Is he insecure about his own abilities? Is he more interested in your money than in your personal state of health or career? Does he feel you don’t dedicate enough time to him? Is he too busy thinking of his own career to be involved with the marriage or you? The list of possibilities could go on for ages but the bottom line is you need to discuss there is a problem and discuss how to solve the problem. I advocate Christian counseling for Christian marriages that are not working in a tandem. I advocate praying out loud together. I advocate reading the Word together for understanding and to help you gain God’s desire in your marriage. I do not advocate having children until you have worked through and resolved any conflict you now have regarding your work.

God can use your work to benefit His kingdom and your marriage. To do this you must work together for that goal. Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."