R.S.V.P.

Come on, tell me exactly what does R.S.V.P. mean?

It is French for: “repondez sil vous plaits.” But, what does it really mean? And more important, do you R.S.V.P. when asked? Let’s start with a little education and the reason.

Rules were developed for specific reasons. Sometimes those reasons become obsolete and the rule is no longer needed. Sometimes they continue to hold true through generational and cultural changes. The requests from a host that you let her/him know if you will be attending the occasion is in the form of R.S.V.P. It’s a simple request and the basics are as follows:

Someone plans to entertain. If you are invited, that means the hosts consider your company an enhancement to their event. They are telling you that they value you and what you have to offer. They are telling you, for whatever reason, you are special to them. It is a compliment.

It is not necessary to attend every event you are invited. You may choose to decline the invitation. You may choose to accept the invitation. At this point, you need to follow the instructions for R.S.V.P.

1. There will be a phone number for you to call, or,
2. There will be an enclosed reply form, envelope, and it will be addressed & has a stamp.
3. There will be a date for all replies to be received.

If the invitation has “regrets only,” they are saying we will count you as attending unless we hear from you. You do not need to contact us if you are coming. This is different from R.S.V.P.

Why does a host want to know if you are coming to the event? It is both a financial and a consideration thing.

1. Typically, the food served for snacks, dinners, desserts, refreshment and drinks are expensive and often labor intensive. Whether catered or handmade, they require a large amount of cash and time outlay. Having an accurate count of attendees prevents wasting the hosts’ money and time.

2. If the event is catered, the hosts must guarantee a certain quantity so many days prior to the event. Once that quantity is in the contract, there is no lowering the number or the cost. Adding to the contracted amount usually costs more than the original quote because of the inconvenience to the caterer.

3. If the event is in a catered or rented hall, the size is chosen based on the number of people attending. The larger the invitee lists, the larger the hall and the more the cost. Once the contract is signed to rent a hall, the cost has already been paid. The host loses most, if not all, the contracted cost should they need to cancel.

4. Decorations for a rental facility are bought based on the size of the hall.

5. If valets, bartenders, coat check and restroom attendants, waiters, janitors, parking garages, event planners, florists, table and hall decorators, etc. contracted, the size of the group (and the hall) will determine the cost.

6. If the event is hosted in a home, the arrangement of the chairs (tables and chairs), the number of plates, silverware, glasses, cups, etc. is determined by the number of responders. All must be cleaned, arranged for easy access, tables set, and furniture arranged to accommodate the specific number.

7. If the hosts are providing party favors or gifts to each guest, they will not want to have the additional cost of items they will never be able to use.

If you have replied you will be attending but later find you are unable, immediately let your host know. No matter if it is two minutes before the start of the party. The only excuse to not attend is if you have a genuine emergency or very pressing matter that prevents your attendance. If you don’t want to go to the event, the R.S.V.P. is the time to decline gracefully (most need no excuse.) Having something come up that you deem more entertaining or being out of the mood simply is not a good last minute excuse. The lie you make up to get out of the occasion will be transparent at this point and will insure you will be classified a poor choice for future invitations. If you must call to decline after you have already accepted, be sure to send a follow-up note to the hosts apologizing and expressing your regret for the circumstances.

What you are saying to the hosts when you do not reply to an invitation:

1. Your invitation and friendship mean nothing to me.
2. I don’t care if I caused you to waste time and money.
3. I have poor manners and consideration of others.
4. I do not want to be invited again.

What you are saying to the hosts when you do reply to an invitation:

1. I have consideration of your work, time, money and friendship.
2. I have class and manners.
3. I hope to be invited again.
4. I value the reason for the invitation (wedding, social, business).

You see, this has more to do with the hosts saying to you, “You are special to us.” Your replying, per the instructions for R.S.V.P., indicates to the hosts, “You are special to me.” Very simple habit to adopt. A necessity to adopt for business functions, social events, and family gatherings.