Whose Dictionary Are You Using?

When you supervise, you may think you are using the same dictionary when discussing issues. You may agree on the issue and down the road find out the other side had a completely different concept or meaning of words.

I learned this from the union business agent after a rather frustrating negotiation meeting. The solution seemed so simple to me. When I confided in the B.A. I didn’t understand why doing what was "right" was such an issue, he dropped this gem on me, "We both want what’s right. It’s that we have a different definition of what is "right." It was a "ta da" moment.

It doesn’t always make the other side’s answer any easier to take but it does take some of the frustration out of the understanding.

Sometimes the definition is skewed as a method of deceiving and manipulation. Read North Korea’s statement about their nuclear test this morning, "The test marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the (Korean People’s Army) people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability." Adding, that it was "a great leap forward in building of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation." Consider this impoverished and isolated country has relied on foreign aid to feed its 23 million people since its state-run farming system collapsed in the 1990's following decades of mismanagement and the loss of Soviet subsidies. This fact and the July floods, South Korea and Seoul’s hold on aid and you have a nation whose citizens are in desperate shape. I would say there is a huge difference in the definition of "greatly encouraged and pleased people" in the press release and in reality.

As a supervisor, it is extremely important you understand the other person’s definition of the topic you are discussing. A smile, nod of agreement and a handshake does not make an agreement which is in agreement. A good portion of your job will be consumed by reaching agreement to budgets, performance standards and reviews, goals, contracts, and service. Making your words easily definable will be a start in an agreement that satisfies both parties long after the handshake.

We all make a joke of contractual "small print" which is purposely designed to deceive and confuse. Legal contracts, supposedly worded to leave nothing undefined, are often purposely worded as confusing and obtuse in an effort to disguise motives. When you are presented with a document or statement that is overly worded, confusing, or just don’t feel right - think again about what the other side is trying to accomplish. Proverbs 20:17 "Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterward his mouth shall be filled with gravel."

Some misunderstandings based on different definitions are not sinister or meant to confuse. They are simply two sides coming to the table with different sets of understandings. Failure to recognize the differences can change a friendly misunderstanding into an issue. In this case, it is better to question and define prior to the handshake so when the deal is struck, both parties remain happy with the results.

As Solomon was granted understanding, we might also seek the Lord’s guidance with Solomon’s prayer to God: I Kings 3:9 "Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?"

Whether meant to deceive or simply a cultural difference, it is up to you to pursue an understanding of the issues prior to the conclusion. You will need an understanding of the meaning of the words, the motive of the words, and the desired conclusion from both sides.