My Old Lady

Having worked among quantities of men in the corporate world, I was always dismayed to hear them talking about their stay-at-home wives in negative terms. I found it difficult to hold my tongue when I knew there was a spouse being verbally berated to other workers. I found it even more difficult when I knew the spouse was treated with a lack of respect when that worker arrived home. It happened too often and by too many men; even Christian men. Here are some thoughts to ponder:

Stay-at-home moms, homemakers, domestic dives:

Through whatever set of circumstances, these women stay home while their spouses work outside the home. Although there are all levels of competency and dedication among them, their work at home is often not easy. It is grunge work involving touching things that most people find disgusting. (The amount of discharges from a family of human bodies that one woman can clean up would send sanitary workers running for a new line of work.) It is a balancing act between teaching children everything they will ever need to know in the entire world and being a seductive affectionate lover to their spouse. It is having to counsel without a degree and failure is not an option. It's running a four star restaurant on limited funds. It's stocking a warehouse where the supplier and consumer change daily. To many it's teaching twelve years of school to children in an effort to instill a Christian education while making sure they have enough social contact to function well once they leave home. It's always a chess game to find, move, and organize the home's finances. And so much more. Yet I often heard their spouses describe them in terms of "Not carrying her load." or "All she does is shop; how hard can that be?" or "I wish I had it that easy." or "Can you believe, she expected me to watch the kids while she ran around shopping." or "I need the down time; she needs to keep the kids quiet." or "I came home and there she was wearing a sweat suit and smelling like baby spit up." or "My mother would have never let that happen." "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself;" That would be in your heart and thoughts as well as what comes out of your mouth.

Often these men feel their wives are not as smart or business savvy because they don't deal with the same issues. They often unload on these ladies because they need someone to dump all the frustrations from work on since they can't unload at work. Since their wives don't have to put up with corporate America or owning their own business, they feel justified "sharing" all the negativity they experience at work without consideration for their wife's full day. Christian men are often the most guilty of this behavior because their wives practice Godly designed service and obeying. These Christian women try to support and not add additional worries for their husbands. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Little by little I saw many of these women (and sometimes their children) become the dumping ground for every negative experience, every bad mood, every fit of temper, and every frustration from unmet perfections. The men became so wrapped up in their work, they hardly noticed the negative effect it had upon this woman they had vowed to honor and respect. "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. " There is a huge responsibility in being the head of the wife as Christ took on the huge responsibility of being head of the church. He did not demean the church, use it only for his own gratification, disrespect, or dishonor. It says "savior" of your wife - that means you rescue her. You are commanded by God to do no less.

Men sometimes compare their wives to the women at work. The women at work must look presentable every day by start time. Many also have families and they do carry a huge load by doing both. For a man to come home to a stay-at-home wife expecting to see the unreal story book June Cleaver, is setting the marriage up for eventual failure. Comparing your wife to the women at work, either in your mind or to your wife, is the beginning of infidelity.

If you have a stay-at-home wife, make sure you are honoring God's instructions for that marriage. Jesus never treated his mother with anything but honor and respect. Are you so much more important in this working world that your spouse deserves less? Are the lives of your children so unimportant you minimize the efforts of their mother? Are your creature comforts or worldly lusts so important they must take away from the well being of your spouse? Is your intelligence, your daily work schedule, your work accomplishments, your work tribulations at this one job so much more important than the many jobs your spouse juggles successfully? I sincerely hope your answer to these questions reflect God's purpose for you in your marriage. "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

All Biblical quotes are from Ephesians 5, The Open Bible, authorized King James Version.