Small Talk
We are heading towards holiday time and it’s also the time when businesses have office parties. I hear over and over how much people hate to make small talk at these events. Small talk means that meaningless superficial banter about nothing in particular. Some people are good at small talk and some would rather take a daily potion of poison than sit through a few hours of this kind of socialization.
I have a friend who is excellent in those situations. It’s not because he loves small talk, but, because he turns it into a different kind of social situation. He is from a group of few who turn small talk into conversations to learn about someone else. He asks questions that let the other person talk about themselves or their life experiences. He does it so well because he is genuinely interested in people and what they have to say. Once he gets people past small talk and into real experiences and opinions, it becomes interesting to both him and the other person.
Proverbs 18: 24 - “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
You see, that is what we miss when engaging in small talk. Small talk is so superficial, we leave the gathering knowing virtually nothing about anyone we just talked to for the last few hours. It is a colossal waste of time unless we choose to do as my friend and be interested in someone. Granted, you may find yourself talking with the community’s political nut, the company’s disgruntled employee, the person with the daily ailment, or the just plain bore. But behind each of these and literally everyone else, there is a story and it may just surprise you how interesting that story can be once you engage in caring about the other person.
I sometimes think of John, in the Bible, whose life had so many persecutions. He often talks of his friends and friendship. He knew he needed these friends and they lifted him. Our friendships can be of the same value to others if we can get beyond the surface small talk. John NEVER did small talk. He was not afraid to show interest, to instruct, to show love, and to write those things down for everyone to read. When he came to God, he became our model in so many ways. Not the least, you will be a model of how to engage in a caring friendship with others.
Here is one way to tell if you engaged in small talk or if you actually cared about the people at the latest social gatherings: When you leave the gathering, do you know something new about someone? If not, you weren’t trying hard enough to turn small talk into caring talk. Proverbs 27: 1-2 - “Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.” Like my friend, you can only be successful at this if you care more about what the other person has to say than talking about yourself. You can only learn about another by being quiet when they talk and listen to what they are saying. You can only make them want to talk more deeply by being genuinely interested. Is my friend just a person who only cares about others more than himself? Not totally. Does he always find every person interesting? Probably not. Does everyone open up to him? Of course not. Does he use the new information to gossip? I’m sure not. He enriches his own life by learning more about others. He gains understanding or respect for some new person. He allows someone to enjoy themselves more just because they were in conversation with him. A novel idea? No, just one that takes a little practice.
St. Luke 10:27 - “And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.”
I have a friend who is excellent in those situations. It’s not because he loves small talk, but, because he turns it into a different kind of social situation. He is from a group of few who turn small talk into conversations to learn about someone else. He asks questions that let the other person talk about themselves or their life experiences. He does it so well because he is genuinely interested in people and what they have to say. Once he gets people past small talk and into real experiences and opinions, it becomes interesting to both him and the other person.
Proverbs 18: 24 - “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
You see, that is what we miss when engaging in small talk. Small talk is so superficial, we leave the gathering knowing virtually nothing about anyone we just talked to for the last few hours. It is a colossal waste of time unless we choose to do as my friend and be interested in someone. Granted, you may find yourself talking with the community’s political nut, the company’s disgruntled employee, the person with the daily ailment, or the just plain bore. But behind each of these and literally everyone else, there is a story and it may just surprise you how interesting that story can be once you engage in caring about the other person.
I sometimes think of John, in the Bible, whose life had so many persecutions. He often talks of his friends and friendship. He knew he needed these friends and they lifted him. Our friendships can be of the same value to others if we can get beyond the surface small talk. John NEVER did small talk. He was not afraid to show interest, to instruct, to show love, and to write those things down for everyone to read. When he came to God, he became our model in so many ways. Not the least, you will be a model of how to engage in a caring friendship with others.
Here is one way to tell if you engaged in small talk or if you actually cared about the people at the latest social gatherings: When you leave the gathering, do you know something new about someone? If not, you weren’t trying hard enough to turn small talk into caring talk. Proverbs 27: 1-2 - “Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.” Like my friend, you can only be successful at this if you care more about what the other person has to say than talking about yourself. You can only learn about another by being quiet when they talk and listen to what they are saying. You can only make them want to talk more deeply by being genuinely interested. Is my friend just a person who only cares about others more than himself? Not totally. Does he always find every person interesting? Probably not. Does everyone open up to him? Of course not. Does he use the new information to gossip? I’m sure not. He enriches his own life by learning more about others. He gains understanding or respect for some new person. He allows someone to enjoy themselves more just because they were in conversation with him. A novel idea? No, just one that takes a little practice.
St. Luke 10:27 - “And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.”
posted by Diane Gibson at
2:11 PM
